


Take Another Little Piece of My Heart

by castles_and_crowns



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Pining Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 02:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21263504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castles_and_crowns/pseuds/castles_and_crowns
Summary: She’s beautiful.It’s the first thought that comes to Ben Solo’s mind when he walks into the small pizza joint right off campus and sees the girl his friend Poe Dameron insisted he be set up with.Her sparkling hazel eyes meet his across the restaurant, and she stands from the small, round table she’s sitting at in the corner of the restaurant and offers him a little, clearly hesitant wave.He waves back, of course, and makes his way over to the table.“Rey?” he asks, though it’s obvious that’s who she is.She nods. “And you’re Ben, right?"***Or: Ben and Rey go on a blind date.  It doesn't work out the way Ben had hoped, but they do wind up becoming the best friends...that is, until Rey gets a boyfriend.





	Take Another Little Piece of My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe this beast is finally done. I've been working on it on and off since the end of May, and in many small ways, it's actually a bit personal.
> 
> I really tried to mix it up a little bit, style-wise, so hopefully it still reads okay.

_She’s beautiful._

It’s the first thought that comes to Ben Solo’s mind when he walks into the small pizza joint right off campus and sees the girl his friend Poe Dameron _insisted _he be set up with.

Her sparkling hazel eyes meet his across the restaurant, and she stands from the small, round table she’s sitting at in the corner of the restaurant and offers him a little, clearly hesitant wave.

He waves back, of course, and makes his way over to the table.

“Rey?” he asks, though it’s obvious that’s who she is.

She nods. “And you’re Ben, right?”

She has an accent! The most gorgeous accent. He’s done for. He’s not going to be able to survive this dinner if he has to listen to her talk all night. He’ll surely melt into a pile of heart-shaped goo.

Somehow, though, he finds his voice and doesn’t melt into slush.

“That’s right. It’s nice to meet you.”

They sit down as she replies, “Nice to meet you, too.”

“So, Poe said you’re a sophomore?”

Rey puts her elbows on the table, clasps her hands together and rests her head on top of them. “Yep. Mechanical engineering major. And you’re a junior, he said. Biomedical engineering?”

“Correct. I’m surprised I haven’t seen you around the engineering building before.”

Rey shrugs. “It’s a big building.”

_But I would have remembered you_, he thinks with certainty. _I would have definitely remembered you._

***

They decide to keep it simple, splitting a large pepperoni pizza.

As they wait for their order, they go through the typical first date topics: favorite movies (they both love sci-fi fantasies and dramas, and they _hate_ over-the-top action movies), favorite books (hers is _Emma _and his is _Catcher in the Rye_), what they enjoy doing for fun (she loves to hike, he loves to practice calligraphy, and they both enjoy mountain biking), and their childhoods (she grew up in foster care, while he spent most of his adolescence in boarding school).

They never run out of things to talk about, which is strange for Ben, who is terrible at making friends, let alone holding a conversation. Rey makes it easy though. She talks in a way that is completely unselfconscious, being completely honest while gesticulating freely and snorting when she laughs.

And then when the pizza comes…when the pizza comes, she practically _inhales_ it in a way that should be sort of gross but is actually crazy attractive. Occasionally, she’ll even let out a moan, clearly oblivious that she’s doing so, and Ben has to remind himself that he’s in public and should probably _not_ jump across the table and scoop her up into his arms and ask her to be his. At least not before they’ve gotten the check.

But then the check does come. Ben, of course, offers to pay, and Rey lets him, though Ben can tell by the look on her face that it’s not the easiest thing for her to do.

Together, they walk out of the pizza place and stand under the small awning. A slight drizzle has begun, and they’re both opening their umbrellas when Ben speaks.

“I had a really good time tonight. Would you like to do this again some time soon?”

He knows Rey’s answer immediately from her sympathetic smile, and his heart drops into his stomach. He’d really thought they’d connected.

“I had a really good time too, Ben,” she says kindly. “But I don’t really date. Dating is a lot of work, and I just don’t have time for that right now. I’m sorry. I really only said yes to this because Poe wouldn’t stop bugging me, and I sort of owe him after he spent twelve hours straight tutoring me before my Calc II final last spring.”

“Oh.”

“But I think you’re really cool,” she’s quick to add, and it sounds genuine. “And I’d love to be your friend.”

“Friend?”

“Yeah. Look, I really am sorry. I know I should have been honest with you from the start, and I totally understand if friendship isn’t what you’re looking for, but—“

“We can be friends,” he says, hoping he doesn’t sound too disappointed.

“Okay, great,” she replies, as a beautiful, toothy grin spreads across her face.

***

_Two years later…_

They were supposed to come to this Halloween party together, but Ben’s mom made a surprise appearance earlier in the evening, and Ben got stuck going to dinner with her instead of going to Poe Dameron’s annual Halloween with Rey.

But now he’s finally here in Poe’s overcrowded apartment surrounded by undergrads dressed up in what they think are either sexy or clever costumes. He only agreed to come this year because Rey had all but begged him. He’d barely tolerated these big, obnoxious parties while in undergrad, but now as a first year grad student, Ben was particularly over the idea of having to attend one, but Rey, with her doe eyes and bright smile, had managed to convince him.

“It’s not like we’re a bunch of bumbling freshman, Ben. You and Poe are the same age.”

“Yeah, but he’s a fifth year senior,” Ben had argued. “He’s still in undergrad.”

“_Ben_,” she’d almost whined. “We always go. What would you do otherwise? Just bum around your apartment?”

“Probably. Sounds pretty relaxing to me.”

She’d given him one of her death stares, which he’d tried to match, before ultimately failing and then conceding.

“Okay, fine. But if he’s a sixth year senior, I’m _not_ going. I’m telling you now.”

She’d only smiled at him and shook her head in pretend exasperation.

He spots her now in the kitchen, drinking a beer and talking to some guy he doesn’t recognize, who’s dressed as the Joker.

_How original._

A spike of unjustified jealousy courses through his veins, and Ben has to remind himself for the zillionth time since they met two years ago that Rey is not his girlfriend. She hasn’t been anyone else’s girlfriend either, though that hasn’t stopped her from flirting or casually hooking up with other guys.

Never him, though. Because they’re friends.

Best friends, actually.

And because they’re best friends, Ben knows Rey well enough to spot the moment she loses interest in the guy she’s talking to. He watches as her bright smile turns stiff and she takes an infinitesimal step backward. The Joker takes a step forward, and Rey shakes her head a little as she gives him a similar look to the one he’d received outside a pizza joint two years ago. The Joker, however, doesn’t seem to catch the intent because he takes _another _step forward toward Rey.

Ben then jumps into action, pulling the same move he’s pulled multiple times over the years.

He enters the kitchen, sidles up beside Rey, and puts an arm around her waist.

“Sorry, I’m late, sweetheart,” he says, before kissing her the top of her head.

Rey looks up at him and gives him a knowing smile. She wraps an arm around his back and faces the guy once more.

“Ian, this is Ben.”

Ian takes a step back.

“Nice to meet you, Ben,” he greets in a voice that makes it clear it’s not particularly nice to meet him. “It was, uh, good talking to you, Rey.”

“You too,” Rey replies.

“Nice to meet you, Ian,” Ben says, unable to keep some of the smugness out of his voice.

“Yeah, same,” Ian mutters, as he walks away. “Nice costume, prick.”

Once Ian is out of earshot, Rey chuckles and turns to Ben. “Yeah, nice costume, Ben. You couldn’t have put in just a little effort?”

Ben looks down at his black sweater and dark jeans. “I think I’m pretty scary looking.”

“You wouldn’t scare a mouse,” Rey laughs, finally detaching herself from him. He immediately misses the warmth of her body against his.

“Well, why do I need a costume when you clearly put in enough effort for the both of us,” he retorts, gesturing to her outfit.

She’s dressed as Kira Ren, a character from her favorite fantasy movie series, Galaxy Battles, and it’s obvious she’s made the costume herself. It’s not some rinky-dink last-minute costume though. It’s clear that Rey has spent hours painstakingly working on the outfit, with the result looking like she stepped out of the movie.

“You like it?” Rey asks, looking pleased.

“Of course.”

Galaxy Battles is Ben’s favorite movie series as well.

“Thank you,” she says, and Ben almost thinks he sees her blush. “Now, let’s get you a drink.”

Ben gets a beer, and Rey replaces hers. They make their way into the living room, where they spend some time talking to Poe, Finn, Rose, and Kaydel, before eventually making their way to Poe’s back porch, which is where they usually end up at all of Poe’s parties.

“So, how was dinner with your mom?” Rey asks.

Ben shrugs. “Fine, I guess. She was disappointed I didn’t bring you.”

“I didn’t know I was invited.”

“I didn’t either. I guess she just assumed you’d come,” Ben tells her. He pauses, clears his throat, and adds, “I’m pretty sure she still thinks there’s something we’re just not telling her.”

“Oh, Leia,” Rey laughs fondly. “She probably won’t believe that we’re not together until you’re at the altar saying _I do_ to some other girl.”

“Yeah,” Ben says, trying to chuckle along.

The image Rey has so casually just spoken into existence makes his stomach churn uncomfortably. Truthfully, he cannot imagine being with anyone other than Rey. Which presents a real problem since Rey obviously has no interest in him.

“Anyway,” he continues, “She did invite you for Christmas again this year.”

“Great! I can’t wait!”

***

It’s Rey’s third Christmas with the Solos.

Like the past two Christmases, Ben’s mother Leia Organa-Solo throws a massive Christmas Eve party in their equally massive house.

Truthfully, Ben had been a bit in embarrassed for Rey to see his house for the first time, especially since she’d grown up poor and jumping from foster home to foster home. But thankfully, Rey hadn’t blinked an eye, hadn’t teased him for his wealth and privilege, hadn’t seemed the least bit uncomfortable. And now, as she attends her third Christmas holiday with his family, she walks around the house like she grew up there herself. Ben finds it infinitely charming.

Currently, Ben and Rey stand in a corner in his spacious living room, in their best clothes—him in a classic black suit and her in an off-the-shoulder plum dress that falls about two inches above her knee—and play their favorite game: making up outlandish stories about Leia’s guests.

With the exception of family and a few close friends, most of the people at the party are connected to Leia through society or politics. This provides Ben and Rey with ample material for their game.

“See that women with the dark hair who has the white streak through the middle?” Rey asks Ben.

Ben scans the room and spots a woman in a slinky red dress. Her black hair is teased into an updo with the white streak prominently displayed.

“Yeah,” he answers.

“She breeds Dalmatians so that she can use their furs for—“

“Are you really about to call the ex-Secretary of the Interior Cruella de Vil?”

“Maybe!” Rey whisper-shouts. “She certainly looks like her!”

Ben snorts. “I guess she kind of does.”

“She totally does. Now, your turn.”

Ben spots a man, likely a few years older than him, with horn-rimmed glasses, slicked back brown hair, and wearing a horrible tweed jacket. The man is talking to a redheaded woman, close in age, wearing a conservative black cocktail dress. He points them out to Rey.

Rey nods. “Okay, yeah. So, what’s their story?”

The gears begin turning in Ben’s brain. “He’s a Russian spy and that’s his American girlfriend. She has no idea he’s a spy, and—“

Just then, another woman, curvy and blonde and wearing a decidedly less conservative black dress, approaches the Russian spy and his American girlfriend and inserts herself into their conversation.

“And _she_,” Rey says, taking over for Ben, “is also a Russian spy. Actually, she’s the guy’s wife. She’s in on the whole thing. The American girlfriend has no clue.”

Laughter, much louder than appropriate for this classy party, escapes from Ben. “That’s brilliant, Rey.”

Rey’s laughing too, likely more due to making Ben genuinely crack up—something he doesn’t do often—than her added storyline.

Pretty soon, they can’t stop laughing. It’s really not that funny of a story, but they’re both a bit tipsy on champagne, so everything’s a little funnier at the moment.

“What’s got you two all worked up?” Lando Calrissian, Ben’s uncle, asks in his smooth as silk voice as he approaches them.

As usual, Lando is dressed impeccably well, wearing a burgundy colored velvet suit jacket, black paisley tie, and perfectly fitted black dress pants.

“Nothing important,” Rey replies, still giggling.

Her face is a little flushed, and Ben knows it’s not just from the laughing or alcohol. Rey has always had a soft spot for his uncle’s charming ways, ever since she met him during her first Christmas with the Organa-Solo family. She’s never actually _told_ Ben this, but it’s quite obvious, what with the way she blushes and her eyes sparkle and her teeth just sort of dig into her lower lip in an adorably shy way. It doesn’t really bother Ben. He knows it’s a harmless crush and that Lando would never snatch up someone quite as young as Rey anyway, but he’s always been a bit jealous of his uncle’s effortlessly beguiling persona.

_Pretty messed up to be jealous of your uncle, _Ben reminds himself.

“Well, whatever you’re laughing at, you two look like you’re having fun. More fun than anyone _should_ be having at an event this stuffy. I keep telling Leia that she should just have a small get together. Family and friends only. But I guess when you work in politics, you gotta invite all these goofballs.”

“She keeps saying this is her last term,” Ben says. “Dad and I don’t believe her, though.”

Lando shakes his head, chuckling. “It’ll take a miracle to get her out of politics. She’s the only one left still in it for the right reasons.”

“I think that’s really admirable,” Rey cuts in.

“That it is, darling. That it is,” Lando replies warmly. Ben’s not looking directly at Rey, but he’s sure she’s blushing at Lando’s use of ‘darling’.

Lando then looks down at her and Ben’s champagne flutes. “You two are almost empty. Let me take care of that for you.”

“Oh, I’ll go,” Rey volunteers, taking Ben’s flute from his hand before he can protest. “I was going to run to the lady’s room in a minute anyway, so I’ll get refills on my way back.”

Once she’s out of earshot, Lando smirks at Ben. “Lovely girl, that Rey. I’m glad to see her back once again.”

Now it’s his own cheeks that he’s certain are pinking. He sticks his now empty hands in his pockets and nods casually. “Yeah. Rey’s great.”

“Still no luck, though?” his uncle asks, still smirking.

“Um, what?”

“Ben. You’ve been head over heels for that girl for two years now. You know it. I know it. Your parents know it. I’m pretty sure even your dog Chewie knows it. But the question is…does Rey know it?”

Had he really been that obvious all this time? Oh God, what if he’s made an absolute fool of himself all these years?

“I’m not sure,” he answers honestly. “It’s irrelevant though because she doesn’t date.”

Lando hums as if he’s thoughtfully mulling over Ben’s words before finally saying, “I think she’d make an exception for you. If you ever made your feelings known, that is.”

“Why are you trying to play matchmaker with me and Rey?” Ben asks, ignoring his uncle’s previous statement. After all, Rey _hadn’t_ made an exception for him when they’d gone out on that date two years ago.

“Because I’ve been watching you two stand in this corner for the past two hours, looking happier than any of the _real _couples here. And that’s how it always seems to be when I see you two together at Christmas or when she visits over the summer.”

It takes Ben a long moment to swallow down all of that information.

His uncle chuckles before using the hand that isn’t holding his drink to playfully clap Ben on the back. “Tell her, Ben. I doubt you’ll be disappointed.”

Lando then walks away, leaving him with that advice.

The thing is…of course, Ben wants to tell Rey how he feels. _Of course_, he wants to date her. But not once in their time as friends has Rey indicated that she was interested in Ben like that, let alone interested in dating him—or anyone else for that matter. It’s always been just quick hookups for Rey. And she hadn’t even considered him for that purpose. Why, then, would he risk their friendship?

Sighing when he realizes he’s starting to spiral a bit, Ben looks around to see if Rey’s headed back over to him. Funny enough, he finds her wrapped up in a conversation with Cruella de Vil. Rey meets his eye and gives him just the faintest hint of a grin, and Ben takes that as his cue to rescue her from what’s surely a dreadful conversation.

Cruella’s back is to Ben, so she obviously doesn’t realize he’s approaching her. But as he gets closer, he notices Rey’s hazel eyes get wider, like she’s nervous about something. He sees her open her mouth as if to interject, but as he gets closer, he can tell Cruella has no plan to stop talking.

“It’s just so lovely to see you and Benjamin here together year after year. You really do make such an attractive couple.”

“Oh, we’re not—“

“Not serious?” Cruella sighs. Ben is standing right behind her now, and Rey’s eyes, still wide as saucers, are glued to his. “I suppose that’s a generational thing. You’ll get there eventually. I can tell.”

Ben clears his throat and Cruella turns to face him. “Oh, Benjamin, I was just telling Rey—“

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but I need to pull Rey away for a minute, if that’s okay.”

“Oh, of course,” she replies before turning back to Rey. “It was nice talking to you, dear.”

“You too,” Rey practically squeaks out.

Later, once the party’s mostly died down, Ben and Rey retire upstairs to his room. Rey always stays in the guest room down the hall, of course, but right now they just relax in his bed, watching _It’s a Wonderful Life_ while snacking on leftover Christmas cookies.

“That was…weird earlier, right?” Rey asks hesitantly, before popping a cookie in her mouth.

Ben turns to her, but her eyes are glued on the television as she chews.

“What was?”

Rey shrugs, eyes still on the movie in front of her. “That woman—Cruella de Vil—talking about us like that.”

“I guess so, yeah.”

Rey chews for a moment and swallows the cookie before speaking. “It’s different when it’s your mom. I mean, I get it with her, you know? She wants to see you get married and have a family. But random people like that woman? It’s…strange, right?”

It’s _strange_ that someone who didn’t know them might think they’re a couple? Well, shit, that kind of hurts.

“Yeah. You’re right,” Ben answers. “Definitely strange.”

***

It’s a muggy night in early spring when Rey joins Ben at his apartment for their weekly Thursday night dinner.

Thursday night dinner—really, an excuse for Ben to cook and his friends to eat something other than ramen—had started not long after Rey and Ben had become friends. He’d learned that she didn’t know how to cook and jumped at the chance to teach her. Except, at the time, he thought she might think it weird for him to invite her over to his apartment for dinner, so he decided to make it a _thing_ within their burgeoning friend group; therefore, most Thursdays some combination of Rey, Finn, Rose, Poe, and Kaydel would come over to his place for dinner.

Recently, however, it had mostly only just been Rey. When Finn and Rose finally got together a little before Thanksgiving, they mostly stopped coming to Ben’s Thursday dinner. Thursday was now their date night, they’d said. And around the same time, Poe and Kaydel, both party animals, started going out more on Thursday nights, wanting to take advantage of their last few months of college.

Ben doesn’t mind though. He likes having Rey to himself like this.

Tonight, Rey has minced the garlic and shredded some of the cheese, two years cooking by his side not doing much to improve her skills. She’s still a beginner in Ben’s eyes, but he finds it endearing.

“I think my shredded cheese really completes it,” Rey comments with a full mouth as they sit at his kitchen table eating.

“You think?” Ben chuckles.

“Oh, absolutely,” she replies, smirking before picking up her wine glass and downing the remainder of her pinot grigio.

Ben picks up the wine bottle between them. “More?”

Rey nods. “Absolutely.”

Ben pours her some more wine before pouring a little more for himself.

“In all seriousness, Ben. This might be your best yet. It’s fantastic.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

Her phone, laying face up on the table, vibrates at that moment. Rey looks down at her phone and immediately snatches it up.

“Well, that wasn’t suspicious at all,” Ben comments. It’s mostly a joke, but he can’t help but be a little curious as to why she just snatched her phone like it holds top-secret government information or something.

Rey goes tomato red. She looks up from her phone and chuckles awkwardly. “Yeah, that was kind of embarrassing on my part.” She shakes her head, as if embarrassed by her own behavior, and continues. “It’s, uh…it’s Tinder. I joined about a week ago.”

“Oh. To…hook up?”

Ben tries to avoid talking to Rey about her hook ups, and thankfully, most of the time she doesn’t share them unless one was really good or really bad. But he knows she’s always been able to meet people naturally, whether through class or out at a bar. She’s never needed an app to help her.

“Um, no, actually. I decided that it’s time I start dating. Like _actually_ dating.”

_What._

_Dating?_

_Actually dating?_

“Like…going out on dates with people?” Ben says dumbly.

Rey is now awkwardly fiddling with her food, twirling her pasta around with her fork. “Yeah. Like, we go to dinner, maybe get dessert, then he drops me back off at my place where we maybe kiss goodnight. All that nonsense.”

She looks up at him when she says the last sentence, both nervousness and shyness painted clearly across her face.

Ben…he can’t quite comprehend this. He hasn’t drunk enough wine to be intoxicated, but for some reason, his brain doesn’t understand the words coming out of Rey’s mouth. Which is why he probably says the stupidest thing he possibly could in that moment.

“Why?”

Rey bites her lip and gives him a little shrug. “I guess I realized it’s about time, you know? I’m about to graduate. I’ve already got a job lined up in town. I don’t need to _focus_ as much as I needed to before. The whole point of not dating was to not feel like I owed anyone my time. And since I don’t need to worry about that as much anymore, I figured _what the hell_?”

He takes it all in, or at least tries to. What’s she saying…it makes sense. He guesses he just never envisioned the day would come that Rey was ready to date. It’s…an overwhelming thought.

Ben realizes she still staring at him, waiting for him to say something. Clearing his throat, he smiles at her and nods.

“Well, good. That should be…good.”

Rey nods too.

“Yeah. It’ll be good,” she repeats.

***

Finn’s birthday falls on a Friday this year. The gang all goes out to Beatniks, a bar near campus to celebrate. Ben had wound up going with Poe, as Rey had given him some enigmatic answer about coming later.

An hour later after he’s arrived, Ben finally gets a text from Rey—though it’s in their friend group’s group text—that she’s almost there. At this point, he’s already had two old fashions and heading back up to the front of the bar to wait for Rey and get a third.

When he announces this, Finn sort of frowns and looks like he’s about to say something but doesn’t.

That should be his first warning sign.

As they had been sitting on the back porch of the establishment, Ben makes his way back inside and heads to the bar for his drink. Maybe because he’s so attuned to her, he spots Rey, somehow looking even more beautiful than usual, already there and talking to a guy.

That should be his second warning sign.

His third warning should be Rey’s body language, but he’s just the slightest bit tipsy and happy to see her, so he ignores it.

Ready to save her from another random dude at a bar, Ben approaches them and goes to slip his arm around her waist when Rey meets his eyes, her own hazel ones wide with surprise, and steps a bit to the side to avoid his embrace.

Her unusual reaction has Ben frozen in place.

“Hey,” she says in a voice that’s a little too friendly. “Sorry, we’re late. We went to dinner before.”

And somehow because he still doesn’t _get it_, he looks at her in bewilderment.

“We?”

Rey bites her lip before returning her attention to the guy she had been talking with before Ben had approached them.

“Yeah. Ben, this is Jon. Jon, this is my friend Ben.”

It’s only then that Ben actually takes in Jon. He’s a good-looking guy, Ben supposes. Probably an inch or two shorter than Ben. A little slim in build and with brown wavy hand that looks in need of a trim or at least better styling.

_They’re together_, he realizes. The blood in his veins goes cold. _They were together before and then came here together._

Almost in a daze, Ben sticks his hand out to Jon. “Hi, Jon. Nice to meet you.”

Jon’s handshake is firm as he grasps Ben’s hand and his smile is extremely wide, almost like Rey’s. “Nice to meet you too, Ben. I’m glad I’m finally getting to meet Rey’s friends.”

He can’t help himself. He really can’t. So the word _finally? _comes out in a question directed at Rey.

“Jon and I have been hanging out the last two weeks,” she explains, not meeting Ben’s eye.

“She talks so highly of her friends,” Jon adds. “So I was honored that Finn told her I could tag along tonight.”

Ben doesn’t miss the way Rey winces at Jon’s words.

Finn knew? How many other of their friends knew? And most importantly, why didn’t Ben know? Why didn’t Rey see fit to tell _him_ that she was seeing someone?

Ben is still watching them dumbly as Jon asks Rey what she wants to drink. She answers, and then he turns back to Ben. “Can I get you anything, man?”

By this point, he’s completely forgotten that he’d come to the bar in part to get another drink. But now, the idea of another drink makes him feel nauseated. And the idea of _Jon _treating him to a drink makes him especially sick.

“I’m good,” Ben says, shaking his head. Then to Rey, he says, “We’ve got the big round table out back. I’m going to head back over to everyone.”

Rey’s teeth are digging into her lips again as she nods silently.

***

Ben tries. He really does.

He tries hard to not let things change between him and Rey.

But it’s impossible.

The Tuesday after he learns about Rey and Jon, Ben has lunch with Rey in the large common room in the engineering building that students use to study and socialize.

At first, they don’t talk about Jon. Rey doesn’t even bring up his name. They discuss all the things they usually do: the new trailer for the movie they both want to see, how school is kicking their asses, and how they’re going to wind up with clogged arteries due to the terribly unhealthy lunches they’d bought from the cafeteria.

But then Jon shows. Just fucking _shows up_ in the middle of _their _lunch. And suddenly, Ben’s the third wheel.

Rey and Jon both do their best to include Ben in conversations, but it’s all very…_forced. _Ben decides he can’t deal with it and excuses himself less than fifteen minutes after Jon joins them.

That Thursday, Rey cancels their traditional Thursday dinner. She doesn’t give him a reason, but he knows.

The next day, she calls him at ten-thirty at night. It’s not wholly unusual for her to call him late like this, but this time, she’s calling because she’s just left her date with Jon and she _needs_ to talk about it with someone.

“Usually, I’d call Rose or Kay for this kind of thing, but neither of them answer their phones, and I _need_ to talk about how amazing this date went. Do you have a minute?”

Against his better judgment, he responds, “Uh, yeah.”

One minute soon turns into thirty, as Rey seems to relay every aspect of their date, from how he opened the car door for her to how he sweetly kissed her forehead after _thoroughly_ kissing her goodnight.

It _fucking hurts_, and Ben realizes that this is not sustainable.

He comes to a decision.

***

Poe has a party two weeks later; Ben doesn’t go.

A week after that, the gang goes out for Rose’s birthday; again, Ben chooses not to attend.

He also manages to avoid her on campus. There is one day Ben sees her across the quad, but he turns and starts walking in the other direction before she can see him or stop him.

She texts him a handful of times, just short, insignificant little blurbs, and he only ever replies with the bare minimum.

If Rey knows something’s wrong, she doesn’t say anything. And really, what _is _wrong? Other than the fact that she’s dating someone—after all of these years of refusing to date—that isn’t Ben? And the fact that she apparently kept it from him, of course. That part hurts too.

But because Rey has decided to move on with her life, Ben decides to move on with his as well. At least, he tries to. He makes plans to go out with one of the women in his cohort this upcoming Saturday. He can’t say he’s excited about it, but he’s going to give it a fair shot.

He owes himself that much.

It’s Friday afternoon, and he’s currently reminding himself of this fact for the umpteenth time as he exits the men’s restroom to find Rey right outside, looking as if she’d been waiting for him.

It’s the first time he’s seen her in weeks, and though there’s nothing visibly different about her, it takes Ben a moment to adjust to the real-life image of her right in front of him.

“Hey!” she greets, a bit too cheerfully for Ben’s taste.

“Were you waiting for me outside of the bathroom?” he asks, not meaning to forgo a greeting, but just thrown off by her sudden appearance.

“Maybe,” she says, grinning sheepishly. “I saw you go in, and I figured I’d wait around since I haven’t seen you in awhile.”

“Oh.”

It’s then that her cheerfulness falters a little, clearly taken aback by his lack of response. He sees what he thinks are confusion and doubt flicker across her face, and he has to tamper down on the guilt he feels. He doesn’t _want_ to hurt her, but he has to protect himself too.

She shifts back and forth on her feet for a moment before asking, “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. Just busy.”

Rey’s expression softens and she gives him a sympathetic look. “Grad school kicking your ass?”

“Something like that,” he says, before he glancing at his watch and adding, “I was actually heading home for the day.”

“So was I. I’ll walk with you.”

He knows any protest he’d give would be fruitless, so he refrains.

As they make their way through the building, Ben can feel Rey’s gaze on him, and he fights the urge he has to look back, to try and gauge what she’s thinking about.

“I was actually going to text you,” she says after a moment, as they turn a corner and pass the front office of the engineering department. “Jon is back home visiting his family this weekend, so I was thinking maybe we could hang out, if you’re not busy.”

“I’ve got a crap ton of work to do tonight.”

“Tomorrow then?”

They’re at the stairwell now, and he finally looks at her. She’s gazing up at him, hope and kindness, shining in those hazel eyes.

“I’m busy tomorrow too. I’ve actually got a date.”

She grabs his forearm. “A date?”

He clears his throat. “Yeah. It’s a first date.”

Why he’s bothering to explain this to Rey, he doesn’t know. She certainly never gave him any type of explanation before she just showed up at the bar one day with Jon. And you know what, maybe she didn’t owe him one. But in that case, he doesn’t owe her one either, so he closes his mouth and doesn’t say anything else—although that’s really difficult to do based on the look Rey is giving him right now. For a half a second, she looks taken aback, but then she smiles, though it’s thin and doesn’t meet her eyes.

“I didn’t know you were dating.”

“I’m not _dating_,” he says, and why the fuck is he still trying to explain his choices to her?

She cocks her head to the side at his words.

Unable to help himself, he clarifies, “I’m going on one date.”

“Good for you, Ben,” she replies, her voice kind. “I hope it goes really well.”

They start down the stairs.

“Thanks.”

***

It doesn’t go well.

It’s no fault of his date. Emily is engaging and bubbly, and he really tries to enjoy her company, but all he can think about is how Rey is sitting at home tonight and how he’d rather be with her _not on a date_ than with Emily on this date.

When the date comes to its lackluster end, he and Emily get in their separate cars. As he pulls out of the parking lot, he makes a decision he sort of hates himself for. Instead of turning right on the main road and making his way back to his apartment, Ben turns left, heading to Rey’s apartment and cursing himself for being weak the entire time.

As he parks his car, he scans her apartment’s lot, looking for Rey’s car and praying she didn’t wind up making other plans for the night. Sure enough, her beat up blue Toyota Corolla is parked in its usual spot, and he sighs in relief.

Ben climbs the stairs to the second floor and stands in front of her door, reminding himself that he could go right back down those stairs, get back in his car, and go home, and Rey would have no idea he’d ever been here.

But _damn_ he misses her, and it’s only nine o’clock, and that’s plenty of time to hang out and catch up, and maybe make up for how distant he was with her yesterday—and really, how distant he’s been for weeks now.

Taking a deep breath that does nothing to calm his nerves, he knocks three times on her door.

When Rey, clad in an oversized sweatshirt so large it practically covers the tiny pajama shorts she’s also wearing, opens the door, her eyes go round with surprise.

“Ben?”

He gives a weak little hand wave. “Hey.”

Her face wrinkles in confusion, as she says, “I thought you had a date tonight?”

Ben chuckles awkwardly and runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah, it was pretty lame. So I thought if you were still up for hanging out for a little bit, we could? Since we haven’t seen each other in a while and all…”

Slowly, the confusion melts from her face and her expression becomes warmer as she motions for him to come in.

“I’d love that!”

“Great,” he replies, not allowing himself to dramatically exhale the nervous breath he’d been holding.

It’s been a little over a month since he’s been in her apartment, and he doesn’t know why he expects it to look different, but he’s glad to see it’s still the same messy place he’s grown used to over the past few years. There are still approximately a dozen plastic water bottles littered on various surfaces, and she’s got flip-flops, tennis shoes, and a few pairs of socks still scattered around the door. And based on the notebooks, binders, and textbooks stacked on top of her coffee table, it appears she still seems to be using the table as her desk, instead of using the actual desk in her room that he’d helped her build not long after they became friends.

The messiness used to drive him crazy, and he’d beg her to straighten out some of the clutter, or even let _him_ straighten it up, but now, after so long away from her, he finds the familiarity charming.

_Fuck, get it together, _he thinks.

“I just started Steel Magnolias,” Rey tells him, motioning to her small television, where Dolly Parton is paused in mid-conversation with Sally Field.

Ben huffs out a small laugh. “Why would you do that to yourself?”

Rey sits back down on her couch and taps the cushion beside her, inviting Ben to join. “Are you ever just in the mood to cry?”

“Um…not particularly.”

He sits on the couch, leaving a cushion between them.

Rey shrugs, laughing a little. “Maybe it’s a girl thing, then.”

He hums in response, not sure if she’s implying that she’s upset about something, if it’s some hormonal thing, or just some random feeling she has.

“We can put on something else if you’d like,” she suggests.

“No, this is fine.”

“I know it’s like the ultimate chick flick.”

“Really, it’s fine,” he assures her. “I haven’t seen it since my mom forced me to sit down and watch it with her when I was in high school.”

“Oh Lord,” Rey laughs, before grabbing the remote and pressing play once more.

An indeterminate amount of time later, Ben slowly wakes to the sounds of soft snoring coming from his shoulder. Confused, he looks down to find Rey fast asleep with her head resting against him.

_Shit._

He thought maybe he could do this. He really did. He thought he could continue to just be friends with her, despite his heartache over the fact that she’s dating some other guy, but then _this_ happens, and he knows he just _can’t _do it. His first instinct had been right after all. For his own mental health, he has to step away.

Ben has to separate himself from the girl he’s been irrevocably head over heels for since almost the moment he met her.

Sighing, he gently gets up from the couch. Rey, who’s always been a heavy sleeper, doesn’t even stir. Her head just falls on one of the couch pillows, and she continues to snore, blissfully unaware that Ben is leaving and not coming back.

Ben adjusts the small fleece blanket that she’d already been using to cover her legs so that it better covers her entire body. With every ounce of willpower he has, he resists the impulse to leave a kiss on her head and then makes his way to her front door.

He glances back at her one more time, his heart breaking for what he hopes will be the last time, and then quietly opens the door and exits her apartment.

***

Rey texts him the next morning.

_Sorry I fell asleep on you last night! I’m glad you came over! Let’s hang out again soon!_

Ben doesn’t reply.

That Friday, she texts him again.

_Are you coming out on Saturday for Kaydel’s birthday? Jon’s going to be late, so I wanted to see if you wanted to ride there together._

Again, he doesn’t answer.

He continues with this routine of not going out with his friends, knowing Rey, and likely Jon, will join them. He’s sure they all suspect something, that they are on to the fact that he’s not just “busy” like he claims. But they don’t say anything, at least not for a while.

It’s Poe who finally confronts Ben on a dreary day in mid-April.

Ben’s speed walking across campus, trying to get to the library before the clouds open up and the deluge begins when he hears his friend shout his name.

He turns around to see Poe hustling towards him, an unopened umbrella in one hand.

“Hey, Solo. Long time, no see,” he says as he reaches him. He claps Ben on the back, a little too forcefully, and Ben’s known Poe for long enough to suspect there’s a reason for that.

“Yeah, I’ve been—”

“Busy, yeah. That’s what you keep saying.”

They start walking again, both heading in the direction of the library.

“Yeah, you know…grad school and all. Don’t worry, you’ll get there eventually,” he comments sarcastically to the fifth-year college senior.

Poe frowns but doesn’t say anything for a minute, and Ben hopes that that’s the end of the conversation regarding how busy he has or has not actually been. But then Poe speaks again and any breeziness that might have been in his voice before has been replaced by a stern tone.

“You know we all know what’s really going on, don’t you?”

Ben’s head turns sharply to Poe. “What do you mean?”

“You’re avoiding Rey,” Poe tells him, pointblank. “We all know it. Well, all of us, but Rey.”

“That’s not—”

“She thinks you’re mad at her, Ben. She cried about it to Rose and Kay after you didn’t respond to her text messages.”

A sharpness lances through Ben’s heart as it begins to drizzle. Poe opens what turns out to be a massive umbrella and gestures for Ben to step under it with him.

“She thinks that?” His voice sounds broken to his own ears.

“Yeah, obviously she does. You just went MIA on all of us but especially her.”

“I’m not trying to hurt her,” he starts to explain, but Poe holds his hand up to stop him from speaking.

“Then why don’t you get your head out of your ass and text her back and apologize?”

“I can’t.”

“Seriously?”

“I need time to step away from that friendship,” Ben tells him.

“That’s so fucking stupid. She didn’t do anything to you but start dating someone that isn’t you. Ben, I know it sucks, but she doesn’t owe you a relationship just because the two of you are best friends.”

“_I know that_,” Ben snaps, stopping them in their tracks. He’s really not trying to scream, but the rain has really started to come down now, and he has to raise his voice above the sound of it. “It’s not her; it’s me. I mean, yeah, I’m hurt that she didn’t tell me that she was seeing someone and that I had to find out at Finn’s birthday when some of you guys already knew, but that’s not why I’m avoiding her. I’m avoiding her because it hurts too much to be around her, knowing she’s with someone else. I wish I could be more mature about it, but I guess I can’t.”

“Ben—”

“She fell asleep on me, Poe. We watched a movie, and she fell asleep cuddled up against me.” Two other students pass by, obviously staring at him, and Ben realizes he hasn’t just been raising his voice to speak above the rain; he’s been yelling. In a softer voice, he says, “It _hurts_, Poe. It really fucking hurts. I wish it could be different, and I wish I wasn’t hurting her in the process, but she’ll be fine. She’s got you guys and she’s got Jon now too.”

The hardness of Poe’s accusatory expression melts into something much more sympathetic. “And you don’t think that maybe you should talk to her and at least explain why you feel you need to do things this way.”

Ben shakes his head. “I think it’d be easier for both of us if I just sort of…disappeared.”

Poe looks like he wants to argue, but miraculously, he manages to keep his mouth shut. Instead, he just nods, and they continue on their way.

***

With three weeks left in the semester, his mother calls him to inform she and his father will be attending undergraduate graduation.

“But I’m not graduating,” Ben says dumbly.

Leia snorts over the phone. “Well, _obviously_, Benjamin. Rey is though. And your dad and I were talking about it, and we just thought since she’s basically like family to us at this point and she doesn’t have any family of her own, that we’d go to support her.”

“Mom—“

“And I was thinking afterward, we could treat her to dinner some place nice. Your father mentioned Antoine’s Do you think that’s a place Rey would enjoy?”

“I don’t know, Mom, but—“

“Well, why don’t you ask her and get back to me?”

“_Mom_.”

He can picture his mother’s brown eyes widening at Ben’s tone, and he knows he’s got less than two seconds to start speaking before she begins to scold him for using a harsh voice with her.

“She has a boyfriend now.”

“Oh.” Leia sounds obviously taken aback, and he can practically hear his mother’s brain recalibrating to take in this new information. “Well, do you think maybe she’d like for him to join us as well?”

“There’s more to it than that,” he begins to explain, as he gets up from his sofa and begins to pace his small living room. “Rey and I haven’t really talked in awhile.”

“Why not?”

“It’s complicated.”

“But the two of you were best friends! Your dad and I adored her.”

Ben sighs because yes, his parents really did adore her. Rey had managed to wiggle her way into his parents’ hearts just as easily as she had Ben’s heart.

“Are _you_ okay?” Leia then asks.

_Not really_, he thinks.

“Yeah,” he responds.

“I suppose…I suppose I’ll have to talk to Han about these new developments, but I think we’d both really like to still be there to support her. Would you have a problem with that?”

Ben recalls his own graduation last year. His parents had come, as had his uncles and a bunch of extended family members from his mother’s side that he’d only ever met a handful of times. He’d been surrounded with love and felicitations all day.

Rey won’t have any of that. And here his parents are—his parents who have welcomed Rey into their house over the past few years, his parents who get her Christmas and birthday gifts every year, his parents who almost definitely thought he and Rey would eventually wind up together—wanting to give Rey just a little piece of what Ben had last year. They want to celebrate one of her biggest accomplishments with her. They want to fucking treat her to a nice dinner afterward. If anyone deserves that, it’s Rey.

“No, I wouldn’t,” he answers his mom. “In fact, you two should still take her to dinner too. I just…I can’t be there.”

It’s Leia’s turn to sigh. “Are you sure, Ben?”

He nods his head, though, of course, she can’t see him. “Yes.”

***

A bit to Ben’s surprise, he doesn’t get any more texts from Rey before graduation. He sort of would have thought she might have texted him after his mom invited her to dinner, but she didn’t, and he guesses in some way he’s sort of relieved because it means he doesn’t have to ignore it. But at the same time, he had kind of hoped she would. It would mean she’s still thinking about him. He supposes she _isn’t_ really thinking about him then.

***

On the days leading up to graduation, Ben still hasn’t decided whether or not he’s going to attend. Ultimately, the morning of graduation, he decides to go, as some of his friends, _other than Rey_, are graduating.

Despite getting there right before the ceremony starts, Ben manages to get a seat in the convention center. He’s not sitting with his parents, or with Kaydel, who still has one semester left; instead, he sits by himself.

One by one, he cheers on his friends as they walk across the stage. He even gives Poe a couple extra shouts because he managed to get all of his credits in and doesn’t have to do a sixth year of undergrad.

When Rey walks across the stage, it’s almost surreal. It’s the first time he’s seen her since that night at her apartment, and it’s not that he’s forgotten what she looks like; it’s more that he’s _reminded_ of how beautiful she is.

He mumbles a swear word under his breath, and the seventy-something year old woman sitting next to him turns to glare at him.

As the graduation ends, he gets a text from his mother.

_Are you positive you don’t want to join?_

Groaning, he quickly types out, _I’m positive. You guys have a good time, though._

He then goes home, where he can’t seem to keep himself occupied. The image of his parents sharing a graduation dinner with Rey and Jon keeps popping into his head, and he can’t help the jealousy bubbling up inside of him. It’s his own fault for not going, he knows, but he still sort of hates that his parents are treating Rey and her _boyfriend_ to a fancy dinner, while he’s at home, moping around.

After scouring his fridge for any type of booze and finding he only as one solitary beer bottle, he decides to walk over to the small pub located a few blocks away from his apartment.

George’s Crown is a British-themed bar that, despite being near a college campus, is almost only occupied by middle-aged businessmen. Ben and Rey had discovered it about a year and a half ago and loved going there for quiet nights out because they could almost guarantee they’d be the youngest ones there and wouldn’t run into anyone they didn’t want to see.

Ben hasn’t been in months, not since he and Rey stopped talking, and when he walks in, an aggressive wave of nostalgia crashes into him.

Forcing himself not to dwell on it, he sits in one of the three unoccupied barstools and orders a Guinness. He downs it pretty quickly and then orders another, which he drinks at a much more moderate pace.

His phone remains in his pocket as he drinks. Instead, he half watches the football game on the television and half listens to the man sitting to his right complain to the bartender about how horrible his job is.

Frankly, it’s all pretty fucking depressing, but at least he can be depressed here among other people instead of at home by himself.

When he’s got about a third of his second beer left, Ben hears a soft gasp come from his left. He turns to see _Rey_, dressed in a stunning sea foam green dress with her hair curled and falling in perfect ringlets around her face, looking at him as if she’s seen a ghost.

He’s sure he doesn’t look much better.

“Ben.” Her voice is soft, hesitant.

“Um, hey.”

“I didn’t—I’m sorry—I can—I didn’t know you were here,” she stutters out.

He shakes his head. “It’s…okay.”

“I can leave,” she assures him, panic shiny in her hazel eyes. “I wasn’t meeting anyone. I just came here to...never mind. I’ll head out.”

She turns to leave, and Ben quickly stands from his barstool. This was her place as much as it was his. She shouldn’t have to go.

He almost reaches for her arm but somehow manages to stop himself. “No, don’t leave. I was probably going to close out in a few minutes anyway.”

Her eyes narrow, not in anger but instead as if she’s examining him, and her mouth parts as if to say something in response but instead she shakes her head and sits on the barstool to his left.

The bartender quickly takes Rey’s order and then Ben tells him that he’s ready to close out.

“I just came from dinner with your parents.” Her voice is soft and her eyes are not on him but rather the bartender a few feet away who is currently mixing her drink.

Ben nods. “Yeah.”

“You weren’t there.” Her gaze is still on the bartender, though Ben has now turned his head to glance at her.

“No.”

She huffs out a laugh completely devoid of humor and shakes her head. The bartender brings her drink to her and returns Ben’s card to him with a receipt. He quickly scribbles out a tip and his signature and hands it back to the man. When he walks away, Rey turns to Ben, who’s already facing her.

Tears sparkle in her eyes as she heaves a big breath and says, “I wish you were brave enough to tell me what I did wrong instead of leaving me here to guess.”

Ben just gapes at her, unable to respond.

“I…I mean, I _could_ guess. I know I must have weirded you out when I fell asleep on you. But to just _disappear? _It’s cruel, Ben.”

She takes a sip of her drink before returning her eyes to him. He sees that a single tear has fallen, and he wants to reach out and brush it away. But he can’t. His head is still spinning, now with her original words and with her elaboration.

He wasn’t _weirded out _by her falling asleep on him. He was heartbroken because he knew it didn’t mean anything.

He opens his mouth, though he has no idea what to say, but Rey stops him.

“You really hurt me, Ben.”

_That _unties his tongue.

“_I _hurt _you_?” he asks, incredulous. Surely, he could use a nicer tone, but suddenly all of these feelings, which he’s had to deal with on his own for the past few months are bubbling to the surface, and he can’t stop himself. “You hurt _me_, Rey. You broke my fucking heart!”

He says it loud enough that he can see out of his periphery that his words have caught the bartender’s eye. He doesn’t care though. Ben’s not focused on him. His eyes are on Rey, who’s gone white as a sheet.

“What?” she says, her voice much quieter.

“You broke my heart. More than once. _That’s _why I had to disappear. I’m sorry you got hurt in the process, I really am, but you’ll be okay, I’m sure.”

He stands from the barstool, takes a deep breath in, and exhales. Putting a hand on her shoulder, he tempers his voice, using a much gentler tone as he says, “You were my best friend. I’m grateful for two great years. But I can do this anymore. I’m sorry.”

He gives her shoulder a little squeeze and then walks out of the bar, not once turning back.

***

Ben wakes up the next morning with swollen eyes from all the crying he’d done the night before. He’d managed to hold it together until he’d gotten about a block away from his apartment. But then he’d just fucking lost it.

He spends the morning moping around his apartment, trying to keep his mind occupied. He attempts to read the first chapter of a book he’d bought last time he’d gone to Barnes and Noble, but then he remembers how Rey had been with him when he’d gone, and he can’t focus on the words on the page. Then, he tries to start the new season of _Mindhunter_, but all he can think about is how Rey was the one who’d convinced him to watch the first season.

A little before noon, he just can’t take being in his apartment anymore and decides to go grab lunch somewhere. After changing, he grabs his keys from the counter and opens his front door…to find Rey standing there with her fist up, poised to knock.

They make eye contact and her hand quickly comes down to her side.

“Hi,” she says. Her voice is both hesitant and scratchy, and as he takes in her appearance, he realizes she looks like he did when he saw himself in the mirror earlier.

She looks _wrecked_ with red eyes and dark bags under them.

“Hey…”

“You were, uh, going somewhere?”

“Just to lunch,” he says softly. “What are you doing here?”

“I didn’t sleep last night,” she tells him. “I couldn’t. I spent the entire night with your words running through my head.”

He doesn’t say anything, just waits for her to elaborate.

“I…didn’t know you felt that way.”

Ben rubs a hand down his face. He really doesn’t want to have this conversation with her. She doesn’t need to apologize, to make herself feel better about the whole situation. It’d just be best if they went their separate ways.

“Rey,” he sighs. “We don’t have to do this.”

“No, Ben. We do.” She looks past him and into his apartment. “Can we go inside?”

He hesitates.

“_Please_,” she pleads.

Against his better judgment, he nods and steps aside to let her in.

Once inside, Rey doesn’t sit. She paces, while Ben stays stock-still, watching her warily.

“I didn’t know you felt that way,” she repeats. “If I had…God, if I had, everything about the last few months would have been different.”

Ben’s heart picks up, but he manages to keep himself calm as he asks, “What do you mean?”

“Ben,” she starts, taking a step toward him. “I love you.”

Surely, he’s heard incorrectly. “What?”

Tears glisten in her eyes as she holds his gaze. “I love you. I have for some time.”

His breath is stuck in his lungs, and he feels like he can’t breathe.

Rey takes another step toward him. “Say something. Please.”

“I…don’t understand.”

She takes a final step toward him and then grabs at his t-shirt and pulls his face down to hers.

The kiss is quick. More than a peck, but not by much. It’s tender and a little cautious, and she pulls back before he can react.

“Ben, I_ love _you,” she reiterates as they pull apart. Her words are emphatic, and Ben…he just can’t believe her. It doesn’t make sense. Why now, when she’s already dating someone else? Why, when they had two years to figure this out?

She must see that, despite the kiss, he’s still confused because she takes one of his hands in hers and says, “At Christmas, I tried to gauge your reaction after that woman thought we were a couple. But you were…as you always are: an enigma. But I thought maybe, _maybe_ there was a chance you liked me back, so I held out hope.”

“But you got Tinder,” he says dumbly.

“Yeah, months later, after you still hadn’t made a move.”

_Made a move? How was he supposed to—?_

“How was I supposed to make a move, Rey?” he asks. It’s not anger that he’s feeling, but bone deep frustration at their terrible lack of communication. “I thought you still had your no dating policy.”

She huffs out a laugh, but it’s clear she’s not laughing at him; she’s laughing at her own foolishness.

“I know. I—was a coward. But then you found out I had Tinder, and you _still_ didn’t do anything, and I—“

“I had no idea!” he exclaims, interrupting her.

Rey takes his hands in her own. “I know,” she soothes. “I’m not saying it’s your fault. I should have said something too. I should have been braver. I just thought that if you knew I was ready to date and you were interested you would have said something.”

Ben pulls his hands from Rey’s and collapses on the small couch, overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings he’s struggle to parse through.

Rey—the girl he’s pretty much been in love with since they went on a blind date to a pizza restaurant two years ago—is saying that she loves him and wanted to date him but was too scared to say it outright and thought that if he had feelings he would have acted on them? She’s saying that the past few months could have been a completely different story had one of them worked up the courage to say how they felt. She’s saying he could have avoided being so incredibly unhappy because he was heartsick over someone he thought would never reciprocate his feelings.

It’s all too much.

“Ben.”

Her voice is gentle as she approaches him, eventually sitting beside him on the couch. She puts a comforting hand on his thigh and implores him with her eyes.

“I know we sort of messed this whole thing up, but if it’s not too late, I want to give it—_give us_—a try.”

“What about Jon?”

“I broke up with him.”

“When?”

“After the dinner with your parents,” she answers, eyes still intently focused on his. “I had just come from breaking up with him when I got to the bar.”

“Oh.”

She lets out an exhaustive sigh. “Yeah. I realized that even if I couldn’t have you, it wasn’t him I wanted to be with. He was just…masking the pain.”

“The pain?”

“Of not being with you.”

The realization that they’d both been in pain when they didn’t have to be comes crashing down on Ben like a bucket of ice water.

“I had no idea, Rey,” he tells her. “None.”

“I didn’t have any idea either. Until last night, that is.”

He nods, recalling how he’d accused her of breaking his heart. He hadn’t seen the hurt in her eyes then, having turned and walked out the bar too quickly to notice, but he can see both the hurt and hope that shine their now.

Nervously, he reaches out and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. It’s a small gesture, but an intimate one. Definitely not something he’s ever done with her before. She shivers as his fingers brush across the side of her face and linger there.

“Ben?” Her voice is a shaky whisper. “Please say you want to give us a try.”

He doesn’t answer her with words because he doesn’t have to anymore. He can answer her with actions now. So that’s exactly what he does.

Leaning forward, he brushes his lips against hers, savoring this moment and knowing he’ll remember it always. Rey responds a second later, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him back like she’s been waiting for this moment as long as he has.

It’s not overly passionate. There’s no tongues or roaming hands, but there doesn’t need to be. There’s time for that later. Because now they _have_ time.

They have all the time in the world.

***

_Seven months later…_

Ben and Rey stand in their favorite corner of the Organa-Solo living room, once again playing their traditional Christmas game.

This particular iteration game has the laughing more than ever before. It may be because they’re both already on their third flute of champagne, but it could also be because they’re both happier than they’ve ever been before.

These past seven months have been the best of Ben’s life, and he knows it’s been the same for Rey. He knows because she’s told him almost every day.

They’re laughing especially hard after Rey has made up an exceptionally lewd story about short woman with a brown up-do who’s just walked in the room wearing what is obviously a real fur coat when Lando approaches them, filled highball glass in his hand.

“One day the two of you are going to let me in on what makes you laugh so much at these parties.”

Ben glances over at Rey, fully prepared to see that beguiled look on her face that she has whenever Lando talks to them, but to his surprise, she’s looking back up at him, grinning contentedly.

“Doubtful, Uncle Lando.”

His uncle frowns and crosses his arms in mock disappointment. “Shameful,” he says, shaking his head, though he’s smirking too. “I just want in on the fun.”

Rey puts her free arm around Ben’s waist and tugs him against her. “Sorry, but that’s going to have to stay between me and Ben.”

Lando’s eyes light up when he sees the way Rey pulls at Ben. His chocolate eyes meet Ben’s eyes amber ones, and he gives Ben a knowing grin.

“Fair enough, I guess.”

“Thank you for your understanding,” Ben jokes.

Lando laughs. “Anything for my favorite nephew. Well, since I can’t seem to infiltrate your little giggle fest, I’m going to get back to the _boring _people. But hey—here’s to you two.”

He lifts his glass up, toasting them, before winking once more at Ben and walking away.

“What was that about?” Rey asks, laughing.

Feeling his face heat up, Ben presses a kiss to her forehead and says, “Last Christmas, he told me that I should tell you how I feel because you had feelings for me too.”

“Well, he was right,” she replies, lifting up on her tiptoes and pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

When she pulls back, there’s a moment they just gaze at each other, stupidly happy. Ben is content to stare into Rey’s bright hazel eyes forever. But then something must catch her attention in her periphery, and she turns her head.

“Ben, that guy!!” she whisper-shouts, pointing to a bulky guy in a tacky pinstriped suit. “We have to do that guy!”

Laughing at her enthusiasm, he takes a moment and then begins to weave together an outrageous story, reveling in Rey’s delighted giggles the entire time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! <3
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/castles_crowns) and/or [Tumblr!](https://castles-and-crowns.tumblr.com)


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